


surrender to the memories i run from

by SmoakScreen (midwestwind)



Series: Tumblr Prompts [3]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Amnesia, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 17:22:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2356421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midwestwind/pseuds/SmoakScreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She saw the confusion grow in his eyes and her heart sank before he even got the words out.</p><p>“You don't look like a nurse,” he began, clearing his throat, rough from not being used. “Do I know you?” Felicity stumbled a step back, catching Laurel's eye, who looked just as dumbstruck as she was.</p><p>Written for the tumblr prompt "waking up with amnesia au".</p><p>EDIT: Now, with an authors note at the end to address any confusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	surrender to the memories i run from

**Author's Note:**

> I know amnesia stories are not even a little bit of a rare trope. But I got prompted by the lovely Beth and I couldn't help myself. I hope it's enjoyable regardless!

If Felicity closed her eyes and leaned herself close enough to John or Laurel, their separate and distinctive scents overwhelming the unmistakable scent of hospital, she could imagine they were back in the foundry. Oliver would be out on patrol and Felicity would be watching his movements dutifully while John and Laurel trained somewhere behind her, ready to jump in if Oliver needed help. The vision couldn't last though, eventually the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor, the periodic flickering of the fluorescent lights, would pull her back to reality and remind her exactly where she is. And exactly why she's there in the first place.

God, she hates comas.

In the two years since she met Barry, she'd learned a lot about coma patients and how no one really knew what was going on inside their brains while they slept. It infuriated her. One more mystery she simply couldn't solve, what Barry had gone through in that coma. She'd never know what he dreamed of or if he'd dreamed at all. Whether he could feel the pain of the lightning that had coursed through his body. Even Barry didn't remember, and she had asked. On multiple occasions. She wasn't a scientist, though. She knew facts and numbers and statistics from researching what she could online. But she wasn't a brain expert and most of the diagrams and photos she'd come across had meant nothing to her.

She just wanted to know if Oliver was okay.

The doctors insisted they were hopeful. Even suggested the coma was more the bodies way of coping with the trauma it had endured than a serious medical problem. She couldn't be sure if they were telling her that to make her, and Oliver's other friends who took shifts at his bedside, feel better. If so, she had half a mind to tell them that their strategy wasn't working. Instead, she dropped her head to Laurel's shoulder and watched the steady rise and fall of Oliver's chest from the uncomfortable plastic chairs the hospital had brought them.

The incident had once again served to highlight just how different she and Laurel could be. Felicity prided herself on relying mostly on her brain, even if her emotions could get the better of her. But Laurel had easily taken control at the hospital when it became clear Felicity simply couldn't. She'd breezed through an easy lie about how Oliver had gotten hurt – Felicity couldn't even remember what she'd said but the doctors had apparently bought it. John had gotten Oliver out of his suit and into something a little less suspicious. Felicity had proved herself practically useless. She'd apologized repeatedly to both of them for losing her cool and Laurel had shut her down every time.

“Don't apologize for being scared,” she had said, resting her hands on Felicity's shoulders to ground her. It had forced Felicity to take a few deep breaths and Laurel waited for her to collect herself before pulling her hands away and dragging Felicity over to a chair.

The past few days had been a blur of friends and family members – well, Thea – coming to keep watch over Oliver and talk with him, trying to convince him to wake up. Roy dragged Thea out every evening to sleep in her own bed but she'd be back early the next morning with or without her boyfriend. It was easier, Thea knowing everything, even if it had been a difficult change to begin with. Felicity somehow felt lighter having Laurel and Thea on the team in some capacity. She didn't feel like her place was being encroached on like she initially had with Sara, it felt much more like a working system where everyone played a part. Where Felicity didn't excel at the physical aspect of being a part of the Arrow's team, Laurel did. She had saved Oliver's ass on more than one occasion. Thea had done some training and enjoyed helping where she could but kept her distance from the team mostly, her loyalty more for Oliver and Roy than a thirst for justice. Felicity had still managed to get to know the young Queen well and marveled at how much more mature she was than Felicity had been at her age.

Felicity had barely left Oliver's bedside in the days since he'd been admitted. Laurel and John took turns staying with her and taking over the nightly patrols. Felicity knew she should be helping, doing something other than acting like the typical grieving girlfriend, watching out for the rest of her team. But she was also pretty sure no one was begrudging her that position. She had told Oliver trying to get through that intersection was crazy. He'd been too concerned with losing the mark despite the fact that Felicity could easily pick him up again. She'd watched the whole thing through the traffic camera and every time the images crossed her mind again she had to will the bile back down her throat. No one's body should do what Oliver's had done. She knew she shouldn't be angry at him, it wasn't even unusual behavior for him, but she felt like she needed to be mad at someone and she was already so angry at herself. It was hard to stay mad at someone who was comatose and couldn't even be sure you were mad in the first place though.

She felt Laurel tense and popped her head up immediately, looking around towards the bed where Oliver was definitely stirring. A muffled groan came from behind his pursed lips and Felicity and Laurel both jumped up to rush to his bed. Felicity's chair had been closer to the head of the bed, so she was the one to gently lay her hand on his shoulder and push him back down as he tried to sit up.

“Don't move too much,” she said, her words coming out on a rush of air as her chest tightened at the sight of his eyes flickering open. “You were in an accident.” He grumbles again, shifting under the hand she had yet to pull away. She lessened the pressure before hesitantly pulling it away. He stopped shifting but his eyes were wide now, darting around the room. He looked terrified.

“Ollie,” Laurel breathed, sounding just as relieved as Felicity felt, and placed her hand on top of his clenched fist. He stilled at the sound of her voice and met her eye, noticing her for the first time.

“Laurel,” he parroted back and Felicity had to keep herself from laughing in wonder at the sound of his voice. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed it. She lifted a hand to her mouth, covering it as she stared at him. He seemed to remember she was there, eyes drifting back to her, looking her up and down once. She saw the confusion grow in his eyes and her heart sank before he even got the words out.

“You don't look like a nurse,” he began, clearing his throat, rough from not being used. “Do I know you?” Felicity stumbled a step back, catching Laurel's eye, who looked just as dumbstruck as she was. She glanced toward the hospital room door before looking back at Laurel, avoiding Oliver's eyes.

“I'm gonna find a doctor,” she tells her almost in a whisper before rushing out the door to find a nurse to locate Oliver's doctor.

Less than an hour later, Felicity had found the good sense to text Thea and John, and Thea had shown up in under fifteen minutes making Felicity wonder how many speed limits she'd broken and how she'd managed to get out without Roy. She was also very quickly learning not to underestimate Thea Queen. She, Thea, and Laurel were all gathered outside of Oliver's hospital room with the doctor. Thea had taken Felicity's hand tightly, though she wasn't sure whose comfort the gesture was for. Regardless, she had squeezed back just as tight.

“He's very confused right now,” the doctor is explaining, quietly enough as not to pass through into Oliver's room despite the closed door. “He thinks it's 2007.” Thea and Laurel both gasp quietly at this and Felicity can put it together. Before the Arrow, before the island, before the Queen's Gambit.

“Fall of 2007, actually. From what I can gather, right before he was lost at sea for those five years.” Before her.

Felicity takes a deep breath and tries to push that thought to the back of her mind, to be dealt with later. When there wasn't a lost, scared, and extremely confused Oliver Queen to worry about. She suddenly wishes John had been able to make it to the hospital, selfishly wishing someone else would be here who Oliver Queen wouldn't remember. Someone who could understand how that felt. She reminds herself that Oliver is about to come face to face with a younger sister that is almost a decade older than he remembers and an extremely changed love. She hates herself for the fact that her heart tightens at the thought of Oliver and Laurel again. If she doesn't sort out her priorities soon, she's just going to leave.

“From the scans we took when he was brought in, Mr. Queen doesn't have any neurological cause for the memory loss. We will, of course, do some more tests but, at the moment, it seems to be dissociative amnesia.”

“What does that mean?” Thea asks, sounding tired and scared. Felicity cuts in before the doctor can, almost on auto pilot.

“It's kind of like repressed memory syndrome,” she explains, quietly. “His brain has decided to just ignore all the trauma, like self preservation.” Her mind is going a mile a minute as she tries to remember everything she's ever read on the condition. The doctor nods at her explanation.

“Essentially,” he agrees. “It's preferable to brain damage, at least. Usually memories can be restored by therapy or just triggered by familiar scents, sounds, sights. However, there is the question of whether it's always a good idea to try to return the traumatic memories after the brain locked them away.”

“Well, he's going to realize it's not 2007 when he sees I'm no longer a little girl,” Thea says harshly and Laurel reaches out to run a hand soothingly down her arm. “What about the people he didn't even know back then? What are they supposed to do?” Thea says it before Felicity's selfish, traitorous brain can form the sentence. The doctor sighs but doesn't seem bothered by Thea's tone.

“It's a complicated thing, trying to force someone with amnesia back into their regular life.” Felicity pulls a face because she's pretty sure the doctor doesn't even know the meaning of the word complicated. How do you force someone to be a vigilante?

“Before we decide anything, it's important to absolutely rule out any physical cause for the memory loss,” the doctor continues. “Would one of you like to accompany Mr. Queen to help keep him calm?” The three woman look between themselves before Felicity shrugs.

“Laurel, you'd probably be best. He recognized you and seeing Thea might just freak him out more. I'm basically a stranger so I wouldn't help,” she suggests. Laurel is quiet for a moment before nodding and following the doctor back into Oliver's room. Thea turns to Felicity and for the first time, she notices the tears in the younger woman's eyes. Felicity pulls her into a tight hug and promises it'll be okay. She wishes should could convince herself of the same thing.

A little over an hour later, Oliver has been moved back to his room and Laurel convinced Felicity and Thea they couldn't hide from him forever. John had shown up somewhere during that time, pushing aside Felicity's concerns by letting her know he'd gotten his two-year-old down without incident and Lyla could call if she needed him. She explained the situation and pointedly ignored his look of pity when she explained Oliver wouldn't recognize either of them. Laurel had insisted they should reintroduce themselves, even if they'd have to leave out a few details about how the three had become friends. Felicity envied but was grateful for Laurel's ability to stay calm in the situation. The three of them let Thea go in alone, not wanting to overwhelm Oliver all at once. After about fifteen minutes, Thea came out looking puffy eyed and harried. She leaned heavily on Laurel for a minute before she spoke.

“I had to tell him about mom and dad,” her voice cracks a little and she takes a moment to compose herself before continuing, “and Tommy. He didn't handle it all that well but he wanted to know why he hadn't seen them. I didn't have the heart to lie.” Laurel rubs her hand up and down Thea's arm and nods.

“It's probably better we be as honest as we can, anyway,” she says as Thea drops her head onto her shoulder.

“Anyway,” Thea says after a moment, picking herself up and standing up straight, “I think he's ready to see everyone now. We talked for a bit, I thought we'd give him a minute to take it in, you know, everything. But he's handling it all pretty well now, considering.” A murmur of agreement and, after slight hesitation, the four shuffle towards the hospital room door. Felicity grips onto John's arm and he places his hand over hers, patting it reassuringly. Oliver is sitting up in bed looking only a little less lost than when she'd last seen him and sort of pale. His eyes sweep over his visitors, landing appraisingly on Felicity and John in turn.

“I guess I'm supposed to know you,” he offers with a sheepish grin that doesn't reach his eyes. Felicity tightens her grip on John's arm and he squeezes her hand. John nods but before either of them can come up with how to explain their relationships to him, Thea cuts in.

“Yeah, Ollie, this is John Diggle. He was your bodyguard for a while. And Felicity Smoak, she's-” Felicity jumps in, cutting Thea off.

“I work at Queen Consolidated,” she explains, earning her a look from Thea. “I'm your executive assistant.” It's quiet for moment while Oliver nods, taking in the information he's been given, and everyone else gives Felicity surreptitious looks. She hadn't exactly meant to lie to him but how was she supposed to tell this guy who doesn't even remember her that she's his girlfriend? That they'd practically been living together for months? That they were in love? This Oliver has no idea who she is, how they feel for one another. This Oliver is probably still in love with Laurel or Sara or whoever he was in love with when he ran away on that boat.

This Oliver runs away on boats with other girls to escape commitment.

“What's the last thing you remember?” She asks suddenly, needing to get off the topic of their relationship. Oliver seems a little startled by her question and then considers for a moment. She wonders if no one has thought to ask him this already. The doctor may have only asked for the date and surely he and Thea had other things to talk about than the exact moment his brain decided was too much for him.

“Uh, I remember meeting Laurel at the pier before I left on the Gambit,” he says quietly, as if he's delved back into the memory.

“Do you remember leaving?” Laurel asks and Oliver shakes his head the negative. Felicity considers the many bumps to the head and concussions Oliver's had over the years and decides it's weird for his brain to suddenly decide everything was too traumatic after things had started to calm down for them.

_The calm before the storm_ , her treacherous mind tells her and her chest tightens. There's just no catching a break in Starling City. The doctor sweeps into the room, clearing his throat to announce his presence and giving them all an apologetic look for interrupting.

“When can I go home?” Oliver asks, adjusting himself on his pillows and cringing in pain. Felicity wants to help him, to adjust his pillows for him and ask if he needs anything but instead she just clings to John as the doctor answers,

“We're waiting on a few more test results and we'll go from there.” Oliver nods and frowns down at the flimsy hospital gown. “Either way, we're going to keep you for at least another night for observation. But with luck we'll have you out of here tomorrow.”

“Any chance I can at least get some real clothes?” The doctor chuckles and nods.

“Perhaps one of your friends would bring you some in the morning,” he says, turning away from Oliver to face the group. “Visiting hours end in about fifteen minutes, we've been lenient given the circumstances but now that Mr. Queen is awake, we'll have to adhere to hospital policy.” The all nod in understanding and the doctor informs them visiting hours begin at eight in the morning and they'll know whether Oliver can go home or not by then. Felicity barely registers his words as she realizes this will be the first night she has to actually go home and take care of herself instead of keeping watch over Oliver. The thought tightens her stomach up.

“So, am I CEO now?” Oliver asks quietly after the doctor has left. His voice pulls Felicity out of her own head and she nods numbly.

“For a few years now.” Oliver sighs and rubs a hand over his face.

“Guess it was bound to happen one day,” he mumbles before focusing on them, his eyes darting around them like he's not sure who he should be directing his questions towards. “I have no idea how to run a company, though. What are we supposed to do until my memories come back?”

“I've been watching you do it for a couple years now, Ollie,” Thea assures him, taking a seat at the foot of his bed. “I'll take over for a while, keep it in the family. Felicity can help me.” She turns to look to Felicity pleadingly. Felicity nods her agreement and Thea pats Oliver's leg.

“See? We'll figure it out.”

A nurse kicks them out about ten minutes later and Laurel and Thea hug Oliver goodbye as John and Felicity hang back, unsure what to do in this situation. They tell him goodnight and promise to see him in the morning.

“Felicity, you can bring him clothes tomorrow morning, right?” Laurel asks suddenly on the elevator ride down to the lobby. “You're probably the most familiar with his apartment.”

“Oh, sure. I'll find him something. Did anyone tell him he doesn't live at the mansion anymore?” Thea nods.

“I did but I don't think he's ready to be living by himself right now. Not with the memory stuff. I told him he could stay with me and Roy for a while.” Felicity nods though she wonders how well having Oliver living under the same roof as his not-so-little sister and her boyfriend will go. Outside, Thea's phone immediately blows up once it gets service with missed calls from Roy. She bids the group goodnight and heads toward her car, explaining the situation to Roy over the phone. Laurel heads off toward her own car as well but John lingers to offer Felicity a ride. She refuses and he walks her to her Mini Cooper instead. He hugs her goodnight and, if it's a little tighter and longer than it would usually be, neither of them mention it.

When Felicity reaches her own home she realizes just how much she'd missed it and how little sleep she'd gotten over the last few days. She forces herself to change and wash up before crawling into bed, sure she'll pass out as soon as her head hits the pillow. Instead, she tosses and turns for a while, checking her phone periodically. She tries not to think about the fact that it's the first night she's spent alone in a long time but the thoughts come regardless. She wonders if her bed has always been this huge for one person.

By two in the morning, she's given up and dragged her comforter out to the living room couch and curled up, exhaustion finally winning out. She wakes up to her alarm going off at six thirty and has to drag herself out of bed and into a cold shower to wake herself up. She does the bare minimum to get ready for the trip to the hospital, choosing a pair of jeans and an old sweatshirt she realizes too late is Oliver's, before picking out some clothes for him as well. She sends out a group text on her way out the door letting Laurel, Thea, and John know that she's on her way to the hospital. It isn't until she's just outside the hospital that all three seem to respond at once. Laurel had patrolled the night before and was caught up dealing with something, John had fatherly duties to attend to, Thea and Roy were making up the spare bedroom for Oliver and would meet her at their place. Leaving her to face Oliver on her own.

She would find a way to make them all pay for it later.

When the elevator opened on Oliver's floor she was greeted by his doctor who was standing at the nurses' station.

“Ms. Smoak, good morning,” he greets, walking with her towards Oliver's room.

“Good morning. Have you been here all night?” She asks, her brow furrowing as she tries to figure out just how many hours he'd been in the hospital.

“My shift is just ending actually,” he tells her. “But I wanted to be here to give you the good news myself. Mr. Queen's release papers are being processed right now, all that's needed is a signature. The tests came back clear of any physical reason for the memory loss.” Felicity stops walking to turn fully towards the doctor.

“What does that mean?”

“It means there's no brain damage. It's a good thing, Ms. Smoak. It also means it's up to Oliver to restore his own memory. I'm going to recommend a therapist who specializes in post-traumatic memory loss. But it'll be up to the family to decide whether to try to force his memories to be triggered or not.” Felicity nods and the doctor leaves her outside of Oliver's door. She takes a moment to compose her thoughts before entering.

Oliver is standing in front of the bathroom door in a pair of gray sweatpants the hospital must have provided after they'd left last night. He has his back to Felicity and it takes her a moment to realize the bathroom door has a mirror attached to it. In the mirror, Oliver's hand glides over one the scars on his stomach. There's a large dark bruise that Felicity knows is from where the car had hit him. She considers how lucky Oliver is to be leaving the hospital, even if he'll be a little sore for a while. Felicity clears her throat and he pulls his hand away, turning to her. She looks down at the pink tote bag in her hands, twisting the handles.

“I brought you clothes,” she says at the same time Oliver asks, “how did I get these?” He stares at her, refusing to acknowledge her statement until she answers his question. She sighs and moves across the room to sit on his empty hospital bed, setting the tote bag next to her.

“It's kind of a long story,” she tells him quietly. He lets out a frustrated sigh, turning back towards the mirror.

“I keep hearing that.”

“You have a lot of long stories,” she offers flippantly with a shrug and a small smile at his reflection. He doesn't smile back and she refocuses her attention on why she was the one who had to come see him this morning.

“Like I said,” she begins, clearing her throat. “I brought you clothes.” He nods, crossing the room to the bed to sort through the items she'd picked out. He pulls out a white undershirt and the dark blue sweater she'd packed.

“Seems like a waste to cover up my new abs,” he mutters absently.

“You're telling me,” Felicity responds because she's an idiot who can't control her mouth. She scrunches her face up as his head whips around to stare at her. He grins and it's kind of smug and familiar while being weirdly unfamiliar at the same time.

“I'm gonna wait outside,” she says, standing up from the bed. “Come get me when you're ready to leave.” She doesn't wait for a response before practically running from the room, pulling the door shut behind her. He finds her in a chair in the hallway once he's dressed, holding the now empty tote bag in one hand and his phone in the other. Felicity gasps and jumps up, snatching the phone from him.

“You killed it,” she pouts, turning the smashed device over and over in her hands, fingering the cracks lightly and thinking about how she's going to get all of the information on it off and onto another phone. She'd spent months custom designing some of the specific features so that he could have one phone for both personal and vigilante use but different numbers and answer certain calls with the voice modulator. She looks up after a minute to find Oliver staring at her, looking bemused. She clears her throat again and hands the phone back to him, taking the tote bag from him instead.

“Sorry,” she offers with a sheepish smile. “Tech is kind of my thing. I designed most of the software on your phone for you.” He brow furrows at that.

“I thought you said you were my EA.”

“I am,” she nods, urging him down the hall towards the nurses station. “I worked for the IT department before that, though.” They reach the nurses station and Oliver has to sign his release papers and Felicity has to sign that he was released into her custody. The nurse gives them copies and a note with the name and phone number of the therapist Oliver's doctor had recommended. He was also requesting Oliver come in once a week to check on his physical injuries from the accident. It isn't until they reach the car that Oliver picks up their previous conversation.

“So, if you're IT, how did you become my EA?” He asks, curling himself into the passenger seat of Felicity's tiny car. She tries not to laugh at the sight but he catches sight of her smirk and sends her a dirty look. She shrugs, turning the key in the ignition.

“It's kind of-”

“A long story. Yeah, I got it,” he grumbles and Felicity gives him and apologetic look.

“Sorry. To make a long story short, I helped you with a few technical issues and we kind of became friends. When you had to take over the company, you asked me to help.” 'Asked' wasn't exactly what Oliver had done to get her to take the executive assistant position but 'strong armed' probably would have only brought on more questions.

“Friends?” He asks.

“Yup.”

“ _Just_ friends?”

“Is that so hard to believe?” She asks, avoiding answering the question. Oliver shrugs next to her and the movement seems like a lot in the small space.

“Kind of,” he tells her, looking her up and down in a way that makes her shift uncomfortably in her seat. That look usually only meant one thing when it came to Oliver and they were basically strangers, even if they had technically been sleeping together for over a year.

“Well, it's true,” she lies, tightening her grip on the steering wheel and focusing on the road in front of her. It's another uncomfortable fifteen minutes before the reach Thea and Roy's apartment and they hit almost every stop light on the way there. Followed by an uncomfortably silent elevator ride up to the fourth floor. By the time Felicity is knocking on the door, she's thoroughly exhausted and ready to go home and sleep for days. Instead, Thea ushers them both inside and introduces Oliver to Roy who actually looks just as uncomfortable as Felicity feels. Oliver's eyes narrow and his grip visibly tightens when he shakes Roy's hand and it's so familiar in a way that the almost constant tightness in Felicity's chest loosens for a minute. Sensing the tension, Thea offers to show Oliver where he'll be staying, leaving Felicity and Roy behind in the entry way.

“How are you holding up?” Roy asks quietly, stepping closer to her. Felicity takes a deep breath and thinks about that question for a minute.

“Is it totally selfish to admit this is tearing me apart?” Roy shakes his head in the negative and pulls her into a hug. “Oliver is missing years of his life, his parents and best friend are dead, his little sister is all grown up. How can I be thinking about myself right now?” Roy pulls back so that he's holding her gently by the forearms.

“You have to worry about yourself, too, Felicity,” he tells her, “you have to take care of yourself.” He squeezes her arms lightly before stepping back just as Oliver and Thea come back through the doorway they'd disappeared through.

“So, you and Thea are gonna take over QC for a while?” Roy asks and Felicity nods, suddenly remembering the promise she'd made.

“Yeah,” she looks toward Thea, “we should get a meeting set up with the board as soon as possible to explain the change. They're going to be skeptical but keeping them in the loop and explaining that it's temporary should help garner trust.” Thea nods but looks a little overwhelmed.

“Okay, how do we go about doing all of that?”

“Don't worry about it, I'll get it all set up and send you the details. Just show up ready to take charge. I'll guide you through the rest.” Thea nods and Felicity gets ready to leave, telling them all to call if they need anything. As she heads toward the door, Oliver follows, stopping her with a hand on her elbow. She has to keep herself from jumping at the contact, staring up at him in confusion.

“Hey, I just wanted to say thanks. For, you know, everything. Getting me from the hospital, helping Thea. It means a lot.” Felicity nods, quietly, considering that maybe the Oliver she knew isn't completely lost.

She spends the car ride home setting up a meeting with the board in two days, texting Thea the details and suggesting they meet before hand to talk about the company. She considers that the news of Oliver's release and his amnesia won't take long to be leaked and sets up an alert on her tablet for his name. And then she actually does sleep for most of the day.

She wakes up around six in the evening and the nap disorients her, leaving her staring blankly at the time on her phone before it really sinks in. Disentangling herself from the comforter, she changes and rushes to Verdant, stopping for Big Belly Burger on the way. She finds Laurel already suiting up, bow staff collapsed and tucked into her suit.

“What are you doing here?” She asks when she spots Felicity coming down the stairs.

“Business as usual, right?” Felicity shrugs, holding out the white paper bag. “Fries?” Laurel waves her off and Felicity heads for her monitors, dropping down in her chair. It's been days since she'd been in the foundry and it gives her a sense of calm she wasn't expecting. It makes her feel a little lightheaded and she spins once in her chair, smiling at Laurel who just looks confused.

“Shouldn't you be with Oliver?” Laurel asks, crossing the room to lean against the cold steel of Felicity's desk.

“Shouldn't you?” Felicity challenges, the words coming out harsher than she'd meant. Laurel's brows rise and her hands come up in defense. Felicity sighs.

“Sorry. I'm just not really sure _what_ I'm supposed to be doing in regards to Oliver right now.” Laurel nods in understanding and straightens up, pulling the collapsible staff out and twirling it between her fingers.

“How about we just find someone's ass to kick?” She suggests and Felicity nods with a grin, spinning in her chair to face her computers, fingers already flying across the keys.

“Now, that I can do.”

Felicity spends the rest of the night and most of the next day trying to track down Sara. John and Laurel might be willing to share the patrol but Felicity isn't counting on street crime taking a vacation until Oliver is back in fighting condition.  _If he ever is_ , her traitorous mind reminds her. Unfortunately, the League of Assassins takes its ability to disappear very seriously and she's hitting more walls than leads. She sets up a recognition software, searching for Sara's face in major cities. John shows up and sends her home around dinner time, Felicity leaves begrudgingly after her stomach grumbles and John smirks at her.

The next few days are a blur of Queen Consolidated and the foundry. Felicity doesn't intentionally spend as little time at home alone as possible, but it happens nonetheless. The meeting with the board is hardly a success, Oliver's condition having leaked the night he left the hospital and the board members stewing and fearing the meeting. Thea kept up an air of confidence that made Felicity proud but she knew the younger woman was lost. Felicity was pulling from all of her time as Oliver's EA to help but she hadn't been doing the job for a while and she had to learn about the current goings on in the company outside of the vague things she and Oliver had talked about before the accident.

It's almost a week before she even sees Oliver again. The sun is going down outside of the plate glass windows and she's putting together a file for Thea when the executive elevator dings and slides open. She looks up, surprised at the late visitor before Oliver walks out. She realizes someone must have gotten him clothes from his apartment because he's wearing a gray sweater she'd always said was her favorite. She tries for a smile but it must not come off right because he frowns in response.

“You alright?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. She nods but he doesn't look convinced. She stands and taps the file on her desk.

“Long couple days,” she tells him shortly, rounding the desk to head towards the glass doors to Thea's office.

“You're telling me,” Oliver nods, following her to the doors. Felicity freezes, her hand falling from the handle, and turns to face him.

“Sorry,” she sighs quietly, shaking her head, “I'm an idiot.” Oliver shakes his head emphatically, reaching out to place his hand on her shoulder out of reflex.

“No, come on. I'm so sick of everyone tiptoeing around me. It's not a game of my bad day is worse than your bad day.” Felicity doesn't move until his hand moves from her shoulder. She nods and turns back, tugging open the door to the CEO office and crossing to Thea's desk. Thea looks up from the papers in front of her at the interruption. Felicity gives her an apologetic smile as she holds the file out.

“This is that report from Applied Sciences I mentioned they'd be sending up. I've glanced over it so if you need anything explained or help you can call me.” She glances back at Oliver before giving Thea a smile. “It's getting late, take it home and give it a look. We can talk about it tomorrow.” Thea jumps up, taking the file from Felicity and coming around the desk, pulling her into a tight hug. Felicity's eyes widen and it takes her a moment to wrap her arms around the other woman.

“Thank you so much, Felicity,” Thea breathes before pulling away to hold Felicity at arms length, “I know this hasn't been easy on you, coming back to this, and I appreciate the help so much.” Felicity nods quietly, not mentioning that coming back to the executive assistant job has hardly been the hardest thing about the past week. Oliver cuts in, reminding both women of his presence,

“We both do. I was coming to take Thea to dinner, let me treat you, too.” Felicity spins around, shaking her head and willing the sudden tears at Thea's gratitude away.

“No, it's okay, really-”

“Felicity, come on. You have to eat something other than fast food eventually, right?” Thea interjects and Felicity makes a mental note to find out who has been talking about her eating habits with Thea. Her money is on John.

“Please, come on. I feel like you're the only person I haven't been able to get to know. I spend almost every day with Dig.” The nickname and its casual use makes her flinch but she has to admit she's been avoiding Oliver ever since dropping him off at Thea's apartment. Not that it had been particularly hard with everything else his memory loss affected. She looks between the two Queen's in front of her and gives in with a sigh.

“Okay, sure,” she nods. “Let me get my stuff together.” She crosses back through the doors and to her own desk, stopping to take a deep breath. She pulls herself together, shutting down her computer and getting her desk organized. She's pulling her coat on as Thea and Oliver come through the glass doors arm-in-arm.

“Ready?” Thea asks as they reach her desk. Felicity nods, sliding her tablet in her purse and rounding it to join them.

“Ready,” she murmurs as Oliver walks over and presses the elevator call button.

John is waiting for them in front of QC and Felicity immediately gives him a look to let him know he's in trouble. He seems surprised by it initially but shrugs and smirks at her as he opens Oliver's door. Felicity insists on following behind them in her own car. She's surprised when they pull up outside Table Salt. She hadn't thought the high end restaurant was in the Queen's budget anymore. John drops Thea and Oliver at the door and Oliver seems to dismiss him as a valet takes Felicity's keys. She waits until Oliver and Thea head inside before crossing over to John before he gets back in the car.

“He's treating you like his driver again,” she notes and John grunts in acknowledgment, she narrows her eyes at him. “And you're taking it.” John sighs and gives her a tired look.

“What am I supposed to do, Felicity? Oliver doesn't know we're friends. To him I'm just his employee.” Felicity swallows and pivots to lean back against the car, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Yeah, I know,” she sighs. “I don't know how I'm supposed to be around him. I know it's stupid and selfish and petty but..” She trails off with a shrug and hears John sigh next to her, her eyes locked on the tips of her heels.

“It'll work out, Felicity,” John offers quietly. Felicity's head snaps out and she meets his eyes in challenge.

“Will it?” He seems a little struck by her tone and she shakes her head, straightening up. “I should get inside. I'll see you at the club later.” She pushes off the car and heads toward the restaurant, vaguely hearing John call for her to take the night off. He has to know she'll ignore him anyway.

Dinner is difficult and Felicity spends most of it making a venn diagram in her head between the Oliver she knew and this Oliver who doesn't know her. He makes a few jokes that make her cringe and flirts openly with their waitress. Halfway through the meal, Felicity fakes a phone call and uses it as an excuse to leave early, the small amount of food she'd managed to eat already churning uncomfortably in her stomach. Thea looks skeptical of her departure but Felicity doesn't hang around to deal with it. When she shows up at the foundry, John gives her a resigned shake of his head and smartly doesn't ask about dinner. He leaves a half an hour later to pick Oliver and Thea up.

It's another three days before she sees Oliver again. Through a majority vote, she's been banned from the foundry for the weekend to catch up on sleep. In other words, she got ganged up on. So, when she gets woken up from a surprisingly peaceful slumber to an incessant knocking at her door, she's already in a bad mood. She pulls it open ready to tell the mailman just to leave the package on the porch and go away but stops short at the sight of Oliver Queen standing on her front porch holding a box. She stumbles back a step.

“Oliver,” she says in surprise as he takes in her appearance. His brow furrows as he looks down at her.

“Were you sleeping? Do you know what time it is?” She stares at him incredulously for a moment before narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest.

“Can I do something for you?” A salacious look crosses his eyes for a minute and she swears if he says whatever he's thinking she's going to become violent. Instead he shakes his head and motions behind her.

“Can I come in?” She's going to say no but he pushes past her anyway and she throws her hands up.

“Sure!” She calls after him with a fake smile. “Come on in! Mi casa es su casa!” He sends her a look over his shoulder before placing the box on the coffee table as she closes her front door. He's staring down at the balled up comforter on her couch when she reaches him.

“Are you sleeping on the couch?” He asks, his eyes traveling up to hers. She sighs and crosses her arms again, defensively.

“What do you want, Oliver?” She means to sound angry and strong but the words come out quiet and tired. She drops down on the couch expecting him to follow but he doesn't.

“I noticed you never call me Ollie,” he comments. She raises an eyebrow.

“I'm gonna assume that's not what you came all the way over here to say.” He sighs when he realizes she's not going to give him anything and does settle carefully onto the couch next to her. The comforter slides onto the floor at the movement but Felicity doesn't move to pick it up. Oliver leans forward and reaches for the box he'd brought, pulling it onto the couch in between them.

“I was over at my apartment, trying to familiarize myself with it, you know? And I found all this stuff and Dig suggested it was probably yours.” He pulls the lid off the box and Felicity immediately recognizes the items she can see at the top. A pair of her shoes, one of her favorite cardigans, a hard drive she was surprised she hadn't missed yet. She reaches out to run her hand over the cardigan but doesn't dig further into the box.

“We were more than friends.” It's not a question, it's an observation. Felicity avoids his eyes, staring at the pattern on the cardigan.

“You're giving me a break up box,” she comments lightly, with a chuckle. Oliver's brow furrows as he looks down at the box between them.

“Oh, I didn't think..”

“It's alright. Hard to break up with someone you didn't know you were dating, right?” She aims for light but the way her chest tightens makes her think she hasn't quite managed.

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“Who did tell you?” He gives her an exasperated look and she realizes she hasn't answered any of his questions. She gives him a sheepish smile but waits for him to answer.

“I asked Thea about it,” he explains and she closes her eyes for a minute. Of course, Thea.

“I should have told you,” she admits, quietly, “I meant to, honestly. But I was looking at you in that hospital bed and, I don't know, I just couldn't bring myself to tell you.”

“Why?” She rolls her eyes and gives him her own exasperated look.

“I didn't want to burden you with more things you needed to know. You already have almost a decade missing!”

“Keeping things from me isn't going to help me remember!” He seems to take a minute to calm himself and Felicity sees so much of the Oliver she knows in him for the first time. “The therapist says my best bet is that things will trigger memories eventually. Maybe being around you could have triggered something. Instead of you avoiding me.” It's not really an accusation but it feels like one regardless and Felicity grimaces.

“I'm sorry,” she murmurs, “it's just- it's not easy for me either. For any of us, really. And we're trying. I just thought keeping my distance for a while might be best.” Oliver sighs and leans back into the cushions of her couch. Felicity places the lid carefully back on the box and moves it back to the coffee table.

“I was talking to Thea about it,” Oliver begins quietly, almost nervously, after a moment. “About you and me, I mean. And she has this stupid idea.” Felicity raises an eyebrow at him.

“It can't be that stupid if you're bringing it up,” she smirks and he lets out a huff of breath.

“ShethinksIshouldkissyou,” he says all in one breath and Felicity stares at him.

“Wanna try that again?” Oliver takes a deep breath and runs a hand over his hair.

“She thinks I should kiss you,” he says again, slower this time.

“Oh,” is all Felicity can think to say to that. Oliver lets out something like a laugh.

“Yeah, I told you it was stupid,” he says with a grin that Felicity doesn't believe but he shrugs. “She thinks it might trigger something.” Felicity drops her eyes down to the fabric of her couch, scratching her nail lightly over the material. Oliver doesn't say anything for a while.

“I told her that was very Disney of her,” he comments finally, his voice quiet and unsure. Felicity chuckles and nods.

“Thea tends to live in her own little world,” she agrees. They lapse into silence again and Felicity can feel it sitting on them, like the lack of words has a weight. She takes a deep breath just as Oliver clears his throat, standing up. She follows the movement with her eyes.

“I should probably go,” he suggests quietly. Felicity nods but stands to face him. He stares at her for a minute and she nods again, slower this time. The understanding flashes in his eyes and suddenly he's covering her lips with his, his hands coming up to cradle her face. Felicity doesn't really think about much other than that he kisses the same and his thumbs still move in that caressing motion against her cheekbones and his lips feel the same. She's too scared to pull away first, scared the same confusion will still be in his eyes. She knows it's ridiculous to think one little kiss will bring back his memory btu she can't help herself. It's Oliver who pulls away instead, slowly, his hands remaining on her face. She blinks up at him once, biting back the smile threatening her features.

“Hi,” she whispers and his face breaks out in a grin.

“Hi.”

**Author's Note:**

> Wow! So, I can tell from the reviews (which, thank you for the nice things, guys!) that I need to elaborate on this ending a bit. I'm kind of a jerk in that I like leaving my fics kind of open ended and especially with this and the prospect of (what Beth and I have affectionately termed) a "magic kiss", I really wanted it to be sort of choose your own adventure at the end their. If you think Felicity's kiss has the ability to trigger Oliver's brain and remind him that those eight-ish years were more than just trauma, go for it! If you want to believe that it's a bit more complicated than that, that they're going to have to fall in love again, it's all up to you!
> 
> I just didn't really want to give it some clean ending. Does that make sense? I've said the ending is very Chuck-esque (if you've seen the show), because you just don't know. And it's kind of beautiful getting to make your own decision about the end. Because I might be the writer and have my own idea for the end, but you don't have to adhere to it.
> 
> I definitely won't be writing another chapter to this, I'm sorry. But I appreciate the feedback and hope this note clears some things up!


End file.
